Uncertainity

     We have a lot on our minds tonight. For almost a year now, we've been working on and hoping to adopt two children from Ethiopia, siblings. On our home study, we've asked for the age range of 0-4 years old. Today, we were informed that siblings within that age range rarely come up for adoption and that if we choose to stick with that age range, we'll be waiting for a long time. The agency advised us to expand our age range up to 6 years of age.
     There are a lot of reasons why we wanted younger children, some of the main ones being that we think the transition would be easier on them. But I suppose I have more selfish reasons as well, I want as many memories as possible. I want to hear the first word, see the first step, all of those milestones and discoveries. I want to give them a name.
     In just over a year, I'll reach an age when they bump up the age of children available to us for adoption. Do we go for just one child, in the hopes of getting a referral faster or do we hold out for two? What if we're still waiting when I reach that "cut off age"? Am I watching my dream of having a toddler, a baby, slip away? I feel so disappointed tonight. A big part of me is saying, "Its not fair!" Then I remember my dad always saying, "Who ever said life was fair?"
     What do we do? Do we stick with the plan & trust that God has two little lives waiting for the right moment when everything comes together? Or is he changing the plan? Does he have two other children, a little bit older in mind for being part of our family? Can I let go of the dreams I had of all the little moments and memories and look for and accept different but equally important moments and memories with 4-6 year olds?